no joke i used to be one of those dudes that thought i could keep going and never get tired until i met a woman one day that wore my ass out i think i was asleep for like 14 hours lmao shit was fucking wild
Yeeeep. I’ve dated enough to realize how vanilla I am, hooooly shit. And I’m OKAY WITH IT. Ladies need Jesus for real.
😳😳😳
Entirely anecodotal but:
Nearly every woman I’ve met/dated/etc that’s described themself as a pervert or a freak or extremely kinky, that’s a significant element of their personality?
They’re the absolute most boring, plain and lazy in the bedroom, and they also tend to have fairly to extremely serious mental/personality disorders/problems.
Conversely, not all, but far far more of the ones that do not describe themselves as that?
They are actually quite often the most active and creative and willing to try new things, actually reciprocate effort in the bedroom.
Absolutely no clue if this is any kind of representative sample, but it is my experience.
The literal only exception to at least the first half of this was the actually diagnosed nymphomaniac, who was, other than that, a rather meek and reserved person, 95% of the time.
Also I guess for the record, I don’t consider myself ‘perverted’, just sex positive and I guess kinkier than your average
beartwink.Are you in the kink community? The girls i meet there are anything but vanilla.
No.
To the best of my knowledge there just isn’t one, in or near my current location, pretty solidly red, conservative area, and back when I was in a bluer area… well frankly back then I didn’t have any need to specifically join a community to try and find people interested in sex.
And/or if said community involves making something approximating a Facebook account, ahahaha fuck no, no I actually value Palantir and the NSA not knowing exactly who I’m fucking and precisely how.
A fetlife account is pretty much as anonymous as a Lemmy account. You might look up your area there and see what you can find. Living in a red area doesnt mean there aren’t kinky people. There ase plenty of right wing kinksters out there.
They’re the absolute most boring, plain and lazy in the bedroom, and they also tend to have fairly to extremely serious mental/personality disorders/problems.
I encountered a woman once that talked about how freaky she was in bed, in a way that openly encouraged investigation.
Investigation commenced.
Turns out her idea of bein freaky was Doggy Style.
Yeah. Yep. Basically that is what I’m talking about.
Yeah, I’m sharing my own personal anecdote backing up your statement.
Sorry, tone is somewhat difficult to convey via text sometimes… I am basically trying to sigh in acknowledgement/agreement with you, lol.
If anyone wants to test this theory I’m willing to do my part. And if I don’t succeed I’m willing to try try try again
Each time this meme is posted I look into comments to search for proofs of those “perverted” woman. Yet to see one. “Uh, I do rimming, that is sooo kinky”. Your “kinks” so uncommon that you can find them in top 10 tags on rule34, focking adorable.
I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe
My first date was to Folsom street fair and I lived in a sex dungeon for two years. There aren’t names for the things that get me off. I was asked, after the best orgasm of my life, ‘was that sex?’. I once made a state legislator who lived in San Francisco turn pale at an event.
But no, women aren’t kinky just because we don’t talk about it where men can hear because you’re all fucking obnoxious and the dumber ones still want to bang you people.
Edit: I’m not claiming to be the kinkiest person alive, just that everyone I’ve ever met kinkier than me used she or they pronouns.
How did those 2 years go? Was it with health insurance and a good salary, or was it more of an after job thing?
Started off in desperation and affinity. Ended up hourly. I got real good with bleach.
Polite cough.
Same. 100% same.
A friend thought she was edgy to throw rimming in a “never have I ever” as if it defined kink. Awww… Sweetie, that’s cute.
No shade intended but for my own curiosity what’s like a normal kinky thing or a very kinky thing? Ty
Had a girl pull out a full set of knives for “scraping and light cutting”. Never been more scaroused
I’d say three ways are pretty common, but trains and glory holes and the like get pretty kinky imo
Definitely goes much further down the rabbit hole but I’ve not gone that deep
scaroused
Fuck I’m using that term from now on. One of my girls loves knife play, and, well so much more.
Kink is weird. There are some things that are considered kinky but aren’t super kinky (biting, feet, degradation/praise, ect) that can be done with anyone if the vibe is right. Then there are kinky kinks that are a little less common and require more trust and familiarity to be done safely.
Kinky for me is to be tied down and have hot wax poured over me while I’m blindfolded. Or free use / cnc type stuff, being available 24/7 without word at literally anytime to be used as they please. Or ddlg / age regression with a daddy dom that extends outside of the bedroom.
Shibari is normal for me. That’s just my jam. Not into impact, blood, not super into choking, but can do it more-or-less safely if that’s what my partner enjoys receiving. No shit or piss (technically squirting is mostly pee, but somehow that’s okay). I like tying a partner up, blindfolding them, and then alternating between soft/erotic touch and riding crop/paddle/etc. Or tickling, but that’s one is a bit risky, since I had a partner that nearly dislocated a shoulder straining at the ropes. Feet are meh, biting is okay, wax seems like a pain to clean up.
Had a partner that really wanted to be ‘abducted’ and ‘raped’; never got around to it before we broke up. It would have been risky in a big city, but still…
I’ve never liked CNC sex. Feels more like masturbation with a safety officer. Prefer those kinds of tools be operated manually.
Normal kinky is whatever you like that’s a step or two beyond vanilla missionary stuff. Intentional, deliberate stuff that requires a bit of trust. Or, at least, willingness to try something. Could be rimming or other butt stuff. Could be dressing up or light role play. Dirty talk. Threesomes. Spanking. Things like that. Things that most couples might try one or twice to satisfy curiosity.
Very kinky requires a lot of trust. Bondage. S&M. Knives. Group situations. Hugely demeaning public stunts. Glory holes. It’s consensual teamwork toward a deep, psychological goal.
i really don’t like “knives” in there
And yet, the people into it are all about it. Don’t yuck their yum. And it’s more of a scraping and almost-but-not cutting thing. Usually.
I’ve seen it done in an up close private performance. 100% not for me personally, but seeing it happen, hearing the scraping, seeing the woman go wild for it was amazing. I respect the discipline needed to do it right.
yeah no yucking, i didn’t mean it like “nobody should do it”, but like “i really don’t like that idea”
I dislike the notion that some people lay down of “oh that’s not kinky, what I do is kinky”. It’s not a competition, nobody gets points for being at some “level” of the game. A good kink gets you off HARD and you have an awesome time. It doesn’t have to be some fucking extreme thing where you have to have a bunch of tattoos, black leather, knives, ropes and all that shit. It can be that stuff, but it can be whatever dials up the fuck-o-meter to 11. Fetlife is full of people who want to gatekeep some shit. Every group has insular douchebags who want to say they are the expert. Fuck right off with all that shit.
I mean if they bulk at rimming I doubt they’re going to be excited to chase me through the woods 🙄
I used to be fairly well known on kink.com’s theupperfloor.com. One day during a live show, I, ade a particularly e il suggestion to do to the girls, and one of the Doms looked at the camera and said [myName], I like you! I want you to come visit! Then he sent me a DM and said he was serious and asked me to stick around after thr show,and we’d work oit details. I visited a month later and attended a party tjat was also a live show. Flogged several of the girls there, my girlfriend at the time and I also played there.
Later, I went to a kinky hiuse party and a woman came over to me and asked me to flog her with the big elk hide flogger I was showing off (That I happened to buy on that trip to San Francisco.) I ended up beating her ass and tits that night too. Then 18 months later, I married her.
Also the dudes who say " i’m can fuck all day, everyday!!", then they meet a woman who can actually fuck all day. They will be looking like the Creepshow ghoul by weeks end.
There’s an entire meme category about it
Women: can get off 7-10 times in a row
Men: busts once, needs an hour and a Gatorade before they can go again
The right amount of various amphetamines though…
Better invest in quality lube.
The REAL fun is when you force orgasms on her until she’s begging you to stop.
The ones that didn’t fucked their own spunk out of her and were less likely to reproduce. This is a whole rant… But basically the male penis is designed to scrape competing sperm out of a woman. If you’re ready to go again rapidly you make it harder for your genes to pass on in prehistory.
Ahh, when I was younger I could do unspeakable things… now I just want to sleep
afaik it is allowed to use other appendages
Right? I had a friend quote “I only got so many mini mes swimming in me” and I was like dude, sex isn’t over just because peepee go limp.
Well, you gotta build up some jet fuel to cum again. If you were to mpreg them with some pegging you’d see recharge times quickly rise as they reabsorbed the cum for fuel
My bad, it’s my fault for having eyes to read this
Bro took bro science to a whole new level.
More than happy to meet perverted women. We can like different things without running away though. I am pretty vanilla but I support whoever being as kinky as you want.
I’m not perverted, I just want to tie you up, suspend you in the air, and have my way with you
I’m not perverted, I just want to be tied up, suspended up in the air, and let you have your way with me
@lost_faith match made in heaven?
As a guy whose kinks are more in the realm of fantasy scenarios and not bdsm, I kind of get it.
Men have unique insecurities that are a result of socital expectations. We gaslight ourselves into conforming to a certain expected behavior. Many, if not most cishet men are afraid to explore their sexuality beyond that which is considered the heteronormative standard. Men are victims of the patriarchy as is everyone else.
Being good at sex is kinda gay, though
/s
Yep. I find the major thing holding me back from most kinks is exactly that; insecurity.
For what it’s worth, you’re not alone.
Wow, this community is a whole lot more supportive than I expected
Everyone here speaks the universal language of shitposting. It would be irrational not to support each other!
The posts are shit… The advice is lit…
I’m glad to hear you say that. I hope you enjoy Lemmy. Welcome!
We have porn for that. Which is 90% only for males.
I feel like a lot of straight men, self-proclaimed perverted or otherwise, fetishize virginity and a general lack of their partner having their own experiences, and a perverted woman runs rather contrary to that. It’s a lot of patriarchal power expectations.
Reading this thread I think the conclusion is that both men and women can consider themselves “perverted” but the bounds of what each consider “too extreme” is so different that they both think that the other side is just too kinky/disgusting.
Edit: or maybe I mean the other way around. People saying “yeah I’m kinky” and someone else going “eh, that’s nothing”. Two people both thinking two different things are extreme and then learning that mutually, both their extremes are considered tame by the other person.
Yeah, this. There are both perverted men and women who are into things that are way too extreme for many regular people
There’s a point here somewhere about people never truly being on the same page with anyone outside themselves lol
Especially since kinks are typically explored in private and therefore not peer reviewed by our society lol draws crazy person kink explanation yarn board
Yeah exactly, memes like this suggest that women’s sexual fantasies are inherently more depraved because they appeal to their own tastes instead of to men’s.
This is a good point, I didn’t read it that way initially
Given the amount of hate a certain purple-coloured-username person gets around here, this statement is quite accurate.
Matching freaks is hard.
Kink is a spectrum, and I haven’t been exploring it for a few years, but from what I remember, the various communities of kink are always mismatched.
There are always more straight-sub-men than there are straight-dom-women. This compounds when you realize that usually those sub men are looking for certain types of play that the doms aren’t into. Dommy mommies and such.
Like, I think of the feminization community. It’s hard to find people who like feminization, but DON’T also like cuck play, or race-cuck play, which to me is gross but is a major aspect of that community for many.
Non-binary and Lesbians seemed to do okay though. At least in my city.
I am a guy who is a genuine switch.
I’ve only ever met a single genuine female switch, and she was literally a diagnosed nymphomaniac.
I’ve met other guy switches, uncommon but not too uncommon… never ever met another female switch.
Swear to flying spaghetti monster its a curse, its the type O- of sexual styles.
Yeah, as a lesbian sub I’ve noticed one big problem facing straight male subs is a lot of dominant women interested in men get burnt out of the community by bad experiences pretty quickly.
I think it’s partly that yeah ime a lot of dominant straight women are looking for someone masculine, competent, and submissive, while the men tend to be looking more for degradation and caretaking, and neither group seems to be great at finding compromise, and the men often don’t notice what the women are looking for.
But also, bad subs abound. And it’s not just men. I used to switch, but bad experience not related drove me away from it, and around the time I was considering dominance again a submissive woman violated my boundaries to the point IDK if I’ll ever be comfortable domming again. I’ve watched other women have similar experiences with one friend have a string of male subs make her decide to look for submissive men in the non kink scene.
And yeah, what I’ve seen of the feminization types is a real mix of yikes and eggs. Even if I were into men, domming, and feminization I’d be hesitant to get into that can of worms.
Yup, gotta say that it took a few years after being a pro with men that I felt any urge to domme … and now I’m looking for a compatible fem sub I’m not keeping my hopes up
There’s also a spectrum for sub guys. From what I’d like to call ‘compliant’ to ‘doormat.’
Some want a guy who’s confident, strong, typical male traits, but lets her decide things and pick stuff. Other side of that is the ones who want to be property.
Idk. Lining shit up in the kink spaces is so damned hard that it’s harder than finding even regular relationships.
What’s a bad sub or dom if I may ask
Be spesific
Being specific is hard because it’s just a category of being a bad partner, and as such there’s plenty of ways to do it lol.
I’ll start by giving a quick overview on how to be a good kink partner: respect boundaries and know your own, communicate and listen, build skills appropriate for your role and interests (you can learn more by talking to people into that interest in the community, especially in the other role, and learning both sides even if you only want to do one is encouraged), know what you want and don’t want, but be open to what you’re not sure about, and in general just try to see everyone in the community as full people, not just as [role]. And for that last one, I really can’t emphasize enough how much better you come off if you have friends across roles and genders, but also the people you’re compatible with are just people, don’t put them into their role until you’ve discussed it and agreed to it.
A lot of the worst experiences involve people who have personality disorders that aren’t sufficiently dealt with for relationships to be a good idea. All of the really bad subs I was thinking of in my comment had borderline personality disorder and had not undergone dbt. They were all also kinda looking for a partner to fix them. But also the domme that got pushed away had bpd, but had underwent years of treatment and had developed healthy habits and understanding of her limits.
So for some specific bad behaviors. Boundary pushing is big. If someone says no or gives an excuse, that means no unless clearly negotiated with a safeword to replace the no. Attempting to negotiate someone’s boundaries or to guilt them into something they’re not interested in is very bad. Overdependance on someone is bad, especially when they don’t agree to it. Your dominant (or submissive) isn’t your therapist they’re somewhere between romantic partner and fuckbuddy, and you should know where you stand (if you don’t know, talk about it with them).
Now for just general bad form things, they’re more akin to being a bad lay. Dominants being overconfident and doing things they aren’t skilled enough to do without giving a heads up (plenty of experienced subs will agree to be a practice dummy to someone they trust, but it’s often not cool to try something the first time without saying so). Subs that come in with a checklist of things they expect from a scene rather than presenting a menu of options and limits and letting the dom construct a scene out of it. Related are the subs who can’t let go of control in a scene after asserting that that’s what they want (if you say it’s what you want but you’re unsure you’re able that’s a different story). The inverse also sucks, subs who don’t know what they’re interested in or what their limits are (and “no limits” is neither true nor appreciated). Subs who neither have skills nor interest in building them. People who jump right into roles without talking about it.
In general new people are given a lot of grace and so long as it’s not overt consent violations the worst a new person will need to do is apologize when corrected and try to do better.
As a straight dom male, I can tell you that the inverse is also true. Straight sub women routinely want me to do stuff that isn’t BDSM and is actual abuse. I blame the 50 shades of grey series at least in part for that.
This unfortunately, too real. It’s really unfortunate that it’s gotten bad for both genders,
And I’m a straight dom male, I’m very chill but, a lot of women into things that make me nope out
For sure. All of my friends in the community HATE 50 Shades of Grey
Straight sub women routinely want me to do stuff that isn’t BDSM and is actual abuse.
Give some examples?
I have very few restrictions when it comes to someone getting physical with me as long as it’s not permanent. I have found plenty of doms lacking because they express discomfort in rougher kinks. Light bruising is not abuse for example although you should probably take your time and get to know me well enough so that you trust I’m not crazy and that I won’t tell people you’re battering me.
One lady wanted me to choke her till she passed out. Another lady wanted a bag over her head. Another asked me to “punch me and leave bruises while I cum.” I could go on, but honestly it’s kinda disturbing.
Then there are the people that confuse CNC with straight up rape. Rape fantasy is one thing. Asking me to organize a CNC “home breakin” with people that you specifically don’t know and have never met isn’t something I would have any idea how to do safely.
Oh dear god do not do the donkey punch, no no no no, noooooo.
I’ve never been asked to, but I knew guys who were, and like… doing the equivalent of that in a competetive martial art would get you heavily penalized, potentially forfeit the match or functionally end your career.
Very not safe.
Someone keept telling me about how they wanted me to do CNC stuff, and I pretty much felt nauseous at hearing that shit.
Wow, just wow. The things women are into these days
The first few are fine?
The last one is where I would draw the line, even if it involved vetting people off of fetlife.
There’s a difference between hard doms and soft doms. It sounds more like you’re the second and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Some of us genuinely enjoy being hit and choked and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. It means we trust you enough to even ask at all. If it’s not something you enjoy or feel comfortable doing that is also fine.
Choking someone until they pass out is absolutely not fine. That’s extremely dangerous and will cause permanent harm. You shouldn’t should never be anywhere NEAR the point of losing consciousness.
I know choking can feel good, but there’s no safe way to do it aside from just putting your hand there and applying zero pressure. You’re literally depriving your brain of oxygen.
This gave me a bit of a giggle because I used to know a real one who would show off their work. Not as a trophy or anything, more like, “This is how bruised I’m willing to make someone.” A display of competence, but also a limit. He had anonymized photos from different sessions, and it gave great insight into what impact play actually looks like.
All pictures were taken and shown from the neck down, with consent.
I agree with most of the comments and sentiments in this thread. Being a male switch I’ve seen all sides of things and the bad actors abound regardless of declared genders.
The big line between pleasure subs and service doms is a large one. Getting bound up and teased and used is a far cry from being someone’s table or maid.
Media definitely sets a lot of bad expectations but occasionally one strikes gold and the magic makes you not give up.
I would agree that kink is a spectrum, or axis. Specifically, it’s the Z-axis to the masculine/feminine attraction (“gay-straight” but generalized) X-axis and sexual intensity (aka, horniness level) Y-axis. That’s right, we’re going 3D.
It’s a 27-axis graph, with each axis being a spectrum. It’s 27 dimensions of sexy times.
This is the correct answer. Within even one seemingly narrow kink, there are so many flavors of it.
Biblically accurate sexuality graph :3
You really don’t wanna go there, because it involves donkeys, ‘justified’ murder and rape, and pedophilia, as axes.
BE NOT AFRAID 📉👁📈
This is exhilarating. Get excited!
Spectrum? I am going to say more like a switch board. It is hard to get all of those connections aligned, and even in vanilla relationships I don’t think anyone ever does.
queers are kinky in more based ways usually :3
life goals: queer kinky polycule
Hey I just wanna eat pussy in a maid crossdress.
Maybe get pegged and called cute.
Not much to it.
This is so much more common among normal straight men than women realize. That said this is a pretty rare kink for straight women.
The patriarchy ruins errything for us cute booty men with muscles.
Hi there :-)
Wait what this wasn’t supposed to work I didn’t think this far 😵💫
So you’re now a flustered naughty little boy in a dress?
Such fun >:-)
H… Hwaaa!? I’m not… f-flustered… naughty little boy… I’m a good girl… I’m not little!.. I’m… cute! Y-yea! Y-Y-yes, mistresses.
Good girl.
Now, get on your knees.
And that, kids, is how I met your mother
lol
Edit: don’t worry, you’re safe - I’m on another continent ;-)
Dust off that maid’s outfit, Bonje!
That’s fucking disgusting.
…only degenerates want to be called “cute”.
Hey cutie 😉
You make me sick!!
…thank you, I needed the compliment.
ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧
My guess: A lot of “Perverted” men think they are perverted because all the girls they’ve talked to so far have gone “eeeew” when they mention anything like a blowjob.
They have then concluded that they must be perverted for wanting to try such depravities.
my guess: for men, even little things such as seeing boobs (especially in real life) is “taboo”/exciting. so their idea of “perverted” is pretty tame.
Yeah, for many of us, the experience of women wanting sex is rare. All of those “I have a headache tonight” jokes didn’t just fall out of the sky. And, the expected retort to that example is, “obviously, you’re not very good at it, then,” which reinforces the idea that sex is a competitive event that a man has to develop his skills at in order to be allowed admission, rather than a collaborative activity for the enjoyment of both partners. Under that model, stuff which he enjoys and she doesn’t is “perverted,” and lots of us men end up thinking we’re some grotesque deviants for wanting.
There’s a lot of women who cannot cum when their mentality isn’t perfectly aligned which means when they don’t feel themselves they don’t want sex.
For men sex is generally more stress relieving and affirming so when they are not feeling great they want it more.
Also women have “responsive desire” where unless they are approached and engaged they never even think about sex.
This creates a lot of marriage wreckage I’ve seen.
Also these “jokes” come from the long history of women having to marry for status/stability instead of being able to think about their own attraction.
which reinforces the idea that sex is a competitive event that a man has to develop his skills at in order to be allowed admission, rather than a collaborative activity for the enjoyment of both partners
This is a false dichotomy, because, based on the conversations I’ve been party to with my friend group (which includes a number of aggressively poly women), a lack of skill can and will make it harder to gain admission. Lack of skill can make it unenjoyable for the other party, which can absolutely gate your admission.
One of my casual partners in my friend group will semi-regularly reference a former short-term partner who was rather well endowed but didn’t know how to use the equipment he had. Lack of skill is what caused her to drop the partner, and I’ve heard similar conversations with other AFAB friends.
I’m sorry, you’re saying it’s a false dichotomy but then immediately just supporting their entire point. I don’t really know what you’re trying to say but it feels like trying to sweep under the rug the difficulties men have
AFAB = All Friends Are Bi?
It’s too similar to ACAB for me to come up with anything else.
Assigned female at birth
Thanks!
For what it’s worth, I’d call that a failure of collaboration, rather than losing the competition, assuming she communicated what works for her in some reasonable manner. I mean, I’m assuming that they wouldn’t dump an unskilled man who’s open to improvement?
We can also see this in the pop culture, like the perverts in cartoons (i talk for japanese ones, since they are what i watch more often) are usually rappresented as the ones that get excited over a pair of boobs, a bit of skin etc etc
That’s kinda the same no? For the most part, the taboo is not one that the individual has created, it’s a societal thing. The same society that creates women that are grossed out by the mention of a blowjob creates the man who freaks out when he sees a boob.
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