It plays a mean bluegrass

It’s only 2% milk, the other 98% is chemicals

I made paneer, following a recipe I’ve used dozens of times before. The resulting cheese was perhaps softer than usual, and even after squeezing it and dripping for hours, the slow drip of whey continued, unabated.

I dared to try a bit. The texture was just as expected, with the familiar squeak as the cheese broke apart upon chewing, and just a hint of extra liquid. The flavor was also fine. I could have added more salt, but that’s a problem I’ve run into before, and I usually cook the paneer into something, so I would just make a saltier sauce.

I decided it would be fine to leave dripping overnight, but I thought something was unusual. It was late, and dark, and I was ready to go to sleep, so I needed an answer to the lingering doubt at the back of my mind. The bowl I hang cheese over to drip is one of my largest bowls, but I dumped out the accumulated whey anyways - then I went to bed.

In the morning, my wife woke me up in a panic, and I came downstairs to discover that the bowl had filled, then overflowed with whey. I dumped the bowl once more, cleaned up the mess, and then promptly dug a pit to bury whatever this approximation of cheese was. Maybe it will stop. Maybe it will flow down into the water table, and bacteria will digest whatever is in the Great Value whey.

In either case, I have made the important decision that the outcome is not my fault. Walmart is responsible for whatever occurs, and if I need to sell this house at some point in the future, I hope Walmart will disclose the state of affairs to the buyer, because I most certainly will not.

Three stars out of five.

It’s the perfect shade of white, smack in between ejaculate and Proof Boy. Tastes better than both.

Gave us explosive diarrhea, worst part is: they put this shit in almost every fucking thing possible everywhere. Good luck if this makes you bloated and explode (fun fact: most people are lactose intolerant,) cuz now because of the dairy lobby and Walmart monopoly your gonna be in big and round brown town

“My daughter tried using this in her Bad Dragon donkey-sized dildo and made a huge mess. She was so embarrassed that she tried to clean it up herself and missed a bunch of spots. The damn house still smells like a cheesemonger’s stale fart from where this milk seeped into the corners of the carpet. Worked great though, looked just like cum. 4/5 stars.”

i am reminded of a factoid i learned like 20 years ago. there is an amount of blood and pus the FDA says is okay to exist in one of these things and its not zero.

Thanks for the reminder to get my prostate exam.

Guaranteed to give everyone the lactose shits.

We don’t buy great value milk anymore. It’s time for a few days but consistently spoils far faster than any of the other options for us. So it’s not really great value unless you consume a lot of milk.

“I used this to pretend I’m Homelander!”

“Helped me cum”

I’d like it better if its entire existence couldn’t literally be a prop in a dystopia novel. Ruthlessly exploiting malnourished cows and their calves, watered down to pad profits, jugged in plastic, extorting ungodly amounts of land and water resources, sold by a corporation that has a bigger bottom line than most sovereign nations, sold to the impoverished and brainwashed masses that fuel the very destruction of the only planet we fucking have.

That, and it’s 2%. Whole milk or no milk, and I will die on that hill.

Drinking tit milk from a cow is BESTIALITY. That’s why I only drink human milk. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

1 star: it failed to properly cleanse me when I used it for an enema.