My life didn’t start until my 40s and so I’m really grateful to have the opportunity to discover myself and do the things that I want to do and not be tied down to the needs of others. It feels amazing.
I do want to add, I never wanted kids or get married. My childhood dream was to connect to my inner compass, be authentic and express myself freely. I am grateful to be able to actualize this.
were you incarcerated
Internally. Yes.
I can relate to this person. I entered the job market in 2008, the same year the economy crashed. I was immediately screwed the moment I was old enough to work, which set me up for failure from the beginning. I’m now in my mid 30s and I feel like I just haven’t been able to get my shit together no matter how hard I try. To this day I’m still working the same shitty retail and warehouse jobs for crumbs.
Edit: Meanwhile my GF is in her late 20s, has a work-from-home job that pays $24/hr, and is a homeowner. She’s way more successful than I’ll ever be, cause shit wasn’t completely fucked by the time she started working. It’s not fair.
When I’m out and about and I see parents dragging their whiny kids around, I’m filled with such relief I have peace and quiet in my life.
50F who never wanted kids.
I am lonely at times, but so are many others who have children. Most with grown children are more lonely than I am because they lose a deep connection that became central to their very being as their children grow and part. That is true even for people with good relationships with their grown children and increases with age pretty consistently in America.
There are opportunity costs regardless of how you spend your effort in this life. Parents spend most of their effort in the care and raising of another human. Even if they do a poor job of it, parenting at its bare minimum takes a lot of effort. I spent my efforts on education, work, hobbies and friends. I have money, independence and a deep love for learning. They have companionship, support systems and share a deep love with their children.
I have a lot of nieces and nephews, and they now have their own children. I love them and show up when I am needed. They do the same for me. But it is at a distance. I have never been that interested in hanging out with them and doing family things. I do attend some family events. I bring a fun energy when I do attend stuff. But I miss more than I attend and I am good with that.
Overall, I think I made the right choice and I feel pretty good about it.
Pretty great. I have money and free time.
Turn 40 in about a month and let me tell you, it’s dope AF. I’ve got more friends than I know what to do with, having way more fun than in my 20s and I’m not tied down to raising a kid. I go to cons and adventures all the time that I couldn’t do nor afford if I had kids. Having kids always grossed me out. I’ve got friends with kids that I can corrupt as needed.
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Wanted kids, got married and careered at the right time to fund kids, then wife had a major mental breakdown after funking out of college, developed schizophrenia, and now has the mentality of a kid. Some days a toddler, some days a high schooler. I’ve been the only household income since marriage year 2, and I can’t afford to deal with a pregnancy from that mental state or be basically a single parent afterward.
I’m considering adoption of teens after I retire and the assumed passing of my wife as she has a small pile of other health issues at this point slowly eating away at her.
Giles?
Is it a reference I don’t get, or do you happen to know someone else in a strikingly similar situation?
Ah yeah the latter. Sorry, I don’t know what kind of answer I was expecting there. He’s a really well-rounded guy with a great career, nice house, but his partner has always been on the rocky side and then she developed a mental illness that has addled her brain to that of pure paranoia, or to that of a child. I don’t know how he copes to be honest, but he exhudes a calm confidence that seems to defy the situation he is in
Your positive energy supported her, and what goes around comes around.
I am approaching 40, and I still don’t want any, but i am deeply lonely and depressed as friendships are fading out of my life due to their children and my constant movement and disinterest.
i have no plan for the end of my life. since I won’t be able to do much at that time anyway, I’m not sure that it matters. I’m willing to suffer through it and possibly kill myself if it means that im able to live my best years with the most freedom.
I’m hoping that assisted suicide will be a thing, but I have come up with a contingency plan if it’s not. The worst thing I can imagine is being stuck in a nursing home and not knowing what’s going on or be unable to do things for myself.
Not sure where you are but some US states already have laws in place for “death with dignity.” And of course some European countries too.
agreed. confusion and dementia would be my worst hell. i would need to get things in order before i lose control, if it lookes like things would go that way. i have no intention of living like that on purpose.
I’m a similar age, and similar point in life. I like kids, but I really don’t want to have any of my own. I really enjoy being an uncle to many children, though- not related, just made it clear to my friends that I would love to keep my connection with them, and build a connection with their child.
People don’t want to impose their child on others, but if you have a genuine conversation with them about being ok with kids, you’ll get to see your friends more often, and if you’re into it, they’ll fucking live and appreciate the free babysitting.
I wanted kids when I was younger, but wasn’t ready to give up my freedom. Once I was ready for kids the world (and the future in particular) looks so bleak that it doesn’t seem fair to the theoretical kiddo to say ‘hey, here’s a dumpster fire - good luck’. Instead I babysit for my friends and family, spoil the kids around me, and sleep in on the weekend. I also have more time for activism and trying to ensure a brighter future for kiddos.
No regrets.
This is amazing!
It’s awesome. Sure, I have moments in life that suck regardless, but in those moments I always think to myself “Wow, this would be even worse if I had kids.”
In my mid 30’s. Find myself thinking the same. Also when I’m feeling great it’s “there’s no way i could be enjoying this if i had to worry about kids”
Yup, exactly. It just seems like there’s no time to relax when you have kids, you always have to be “on”.
I used to take a bus home from work, and a woman that lived in my apartment took the same bus, so we always ended up walking into the building together. I’ll never forget that EVERY time when she opened her apartment door, you could hear two little kids yell “MOMMY!” the second that door was opened. Maybe some people love that, but to me it always filled me with a sense of dread and exhaustion. Here was this woman who just spent a full day at work and now she has to come home and essentially start her second job of being with her kids, who of course want all her attention. I felt horrible for her, and it wasn’t like she was skipping home all happy to see them, either.
Some people like it, which I’m happy for, they’re the ones who should have children. But it’s not for everyone and it shouldn’t be stigmatized. I will happily pay taxes to fund kinder care and school. I see the value in society for kids. Just not in my own home.
[I’m] in my mid-30s*
Shit that’s how you grammar!?
Syntax, not grammar
Ok. I’m still going to omit it in the future.
Omitting is fine… just a bit ambiguous. It’s the apostrophe misuse that matters :)
Beats the alternative.
Married, happy, and doing financially ok (house paid off but no real savings). Life would have been a lot harder with kids.
Pardon my French but it feels fucking awesome. I’ve been able to travel the world. I have developed hobbies that I wouldn’t be able to do so with kids. I have saved a lot of money and I have been able to advance my career.
As for passing my knowledge/experience, I volunteer at various charities where I can influence young minds. I don’t believe that passing on genes down the line is the best I can do. The best I can do is to help young people achieve their goals.
Now, to address few some clichés. On my deathbed I will get the glass of water from a highly paid nurse. The “warm bed” is not the issue for me. When I go I will leave my possessions to a charity of my choice.
Every member of my lineage: “I will never do to my kids what my parents did to me” before doing exactly that.
Me: “I will never do to my kids what my parents did to me” fucking aced it
Just turned 50. Was childless by choice. But I Got custody of my 12 year old niece two years ago. (Very small family and There was no one else to take her.). I love her but I do miss my adult freedom.
My condolences on losing your sibling. Wonderful of you to take her in.
Shout out to [email protected]
Edit: k, idk why you downvoted me, was trying to show you another sub with an audience directly for this question that you may want to also ask, but k go ahead and downvote me OP.
Didn’t downvote you but it’s probably bc Reddit’s original childfree subreddit is a special kind of toxic hellhole; even for Reddit… which is saying something.
Most of Reddit was a toxic hellhole. It’s why I’m not on Reddit anymore.
It seems like in almost every thread, there are at least one or two cranky individuals that just downvote for the hell of it.
Downvotes on lemmy are pure spam. Good instances block them.
I regularly down vote things. I up vote a lot more than that, though. I’m sure the ratio is at least 3:1 or higher for up to down.
Are my down votes spam?
Yes in my opinion which is why they’re turned off on the instance I use.
Your link doesn’t link to the community on my instance, it links to the original instance, so that’s a bit annoying. Maybe that’s why?
