I wanna do really many things (as hobbies). But mostly I just think of them and nothing more. I have plenty of time and I still do some things, but that’s not enough. So how do I make my wannabe hobbies become my habits?
Read atomic habits or similar books. Find the smallest possible step you need to start. Reduce friction the starting regularly to an absolute minimum. Make the thing part of your personality, don’t say “I want do draw”, say “I want to be someone who is good at drawing”. Etc…
You have to use boredom. Boredom is what has naturally lead humans to be curious about things. Turn off all screens and sit in a room with the only option being boredom or a new hobby. Naturally you will choose the hobby.
You have to be strict about not having other distractions especially screens as your mind wants the easy route out of boredom.
It will depend on you as a person. I will tell you things that helped in my experience:
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Buying things isn’t the same as starting. Although ordering is seductive false substitute for it. Don’t buy things until you need them. If you want to sculpt clay start with some dirt and a fork. Only when your 10hrs in do you buy things. (Obviously caveats abound but generally use the imperfect things you have)
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it can be overwhelming deciding what hobby to invest in; they pile up and each takes a little mental effort to sustain even in purgatory. This tends toward guilt in the long run. When new things arise, write them down, don’t start them, there is time. Even if you have to choose randomly, all are valid, commit to it for at least enough time to do something.
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planning can become an all consuming task. If you find yourself on your phone during the weekend; just get up and start. If you want to do wood working; just get up go collect some sticks and start making a chair. It will be shit, it may not even be functional, but begin, and you will learn more from that and be more energized than a month contemplating.
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Know the difference between something you enjoy watching, and something you want to do. It’s ok if you just like watching people make sculptures, there are plenty of other hobbies, it’s not a black mark on your creative ego.
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Don’t immediately seek external validation or comparison when you do start. Odds are you will be shit. And thats ok. If your interest wains without external validation; it might be that you crave the validation of being good at something and not a hobby. You can still succeed with that being your aim; but it is a long road to walk and the validation you seek will be hard won. You chances of success increase if you can find a hobby which you enjoy, and that you could happily perform in isolation after a ling day. If you find that then external validation will be a sweet and unexpected reward before you know it.
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if you have projects that have been abandoned, and weigh on your soul. Be willing to set them free. Value them for the experiences they gave you. Give them to someone who will use them. It might be bittersweet but much of their value is in memory. If you ever decide to restart you will be surprised how quickly you reach the same level of completion.
I have to admit, this is a magnificent answer. Thank you very much!
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I wrote a novella four years ago in a manic buzz. It’s just a first draft, but I loved every minute of it. I realized this week, actually, that I was putting that magic energy on a pedestal and was just waiting around until the bug bit me again to get to writing. That’s not… going to happen. So, instead, I decided to write every day. Just a few minutes, at least. It’s day 3 and I’ve written more than I have in the last 3 years.
So, probably make it less intimidating. Do it smaller, small enough to actually get started.
Is this hobby you want to start actually something you find fun or something you think you’d enjoy if you were the person you think you are?
My tricks to get going; Talk to people about it, this gives me external accountability. It then becomes ”I said I was gonna do it” and I don’t want to be someone who just talks shit. Or the person joins the activity and that makes it much harder to skip.
Think about the end goal or find a critical point. If i want to be a hobby farmer, i need to do the boring part of soil prep. Otherwise summer comes and Ill again be a shit talker. If i don’t sow these seeds now, theres nothing to farm later.
Prepare a work station and leave stuff out; In place and in the way. I make little specialised toolboxes or work stations. Its about lowering the barrier to getting started.
Simplify your ideas. You don’t need to see A-Z. Just reaching B can change circumstances and create inspiration. I employ ”donkey mode” by briefly considering the consequence of doing a bad job, how poorly others have done it but still succeeding, and repeat the mantra donkey mode donkey mode. I can deal with the consequence of my poor labour after the fact. Someone already made it worse than I did.
If things feel insurmountable; just focus on a small thing. I have many projects running in parallel and taking just a single step forward is great. When all the pieces are in place: execute. Dig that damn garden, don’t worry what gets planted.
And don’t be afraid to cut projects loose or shelve them. Having an infinite todo list where hobbies usually get knocked down, prevents the brain from feeling ”done and settled”, which keeps me from getting into something fun.
Cheers and good luck ✌️
This is great advice!!
- Step 1: Figure out why you’re not doing thing.
- Step 2: Take steps to address the reason why you’re not doing thing.
Seems simple, and in a way it is, but in other ways it can be very difficult.
On step 1, I recommend first researching the term “maladaptive daydreaming”. Seems relevant to what you’re describing.
LMK if you figure it out.
Psychological tricks with external help.
Specifically reserve time for them, plan them out in advance, do something every day if you can and set reminders. There are even apps that try to support you with habit forming.
So if for example 6pm to 7:30pm is hobby time, every day, and you treat it like an appointment you have to go to (with yourself).
Plan your projects in advance. This can be done during that hobby time, but be sure to write down which tools and material you need, so you can just pick it up. Also, it helps if things are organized, if you just need to grab a box and it has everything in it, that’s easier to pick up and put down than searching and collecting all your tools every time you need them.
Any chance you have undiagnosed ADHD? Do you have similar difficulties motivating yourself to start other things in your life, even when you actively want to? Even if you can do those things - but starting is always the biggest hurdle? Or just with this hobby example?
OK I’ll bite. I have the same thing the OP has and I believe most people have it as well (otherwise the world would be full of poliglots, everyone would be fit, etc). My point is you have a finite amount of energy and we want stuff but don’t wanna pay the toll for it (that is when capital takes those longings and capitalizes on them, selling magic pills. A tale as old as time itself).
Now suppose someone knows all that all he would have to do is transcend it, but that is the difficult part.Now… this is why I said I will bite and I hope you have a real answer. I am trying to motivate myself to do what is right (somethings are easy others are extremely hard). Life then can become exhausting and a checklist to the point where you will get the things you wanted but will not enjoy them. Ex: Everything is in perfect order but you feel off somehow. Health is great for your age, all exams return perfect, you are a great worker which in turns returns you money that you invest because spending on plastic would be stupid (Fight Club and what not), etc, etc…
It seems to me that in the end we have to integrate being human with being animalistic otherwise we ask ourselves to be robotic and reject our true nature…
So… There is no right and wrong way to be so you shouldn’t diagnose people over the internet for a simple remark. Specially because we are complicated machines and it only considered a condition if it affects a person socially.
Biting back: I didn’t diagnose someone over the internet, I offered it as a potential explanation to look into for the issue they described based on my own personal experiences.
I would also push back on that something is only considered a condition if it affects a them socially - on both fronts, actually. Some conditions can heavily affect a person socially, while simultaneously being something they find completely fine, and don’t want to change or alter about themselves at all (eg, autism), while other conditions can affect a person in ways that are essentially entirely nonsocial, but which still cause them so much distress that they still feel deeply compelled to address it (eg, ADHD effectively rendering them incapable of working, or of performing even basic life maintenance tasks, even when they have high motivation to do so). What makes the difference is how it affects that person specifically - whether the effects they experience on their life, social or otherwise, are distressing enough to them that they feel the need to seek some sort of help. I would make a wild guess that ADHD in particular is a condition a lot of people have to some extent, but simply choose not to address, because they don’t find its symptoms distressing enough to care.
Regarding the other point, about the paradox of integrating our neat and domestic human lives, which increasingly demand unmessy robotic perfection while imposing artificial goals and structures on us, with our animal side, which often includes messy and irrational bits that can react poorly to such structured or cookie-cutter environments, or at least mesh poorly with them, in ways that can then get labeled as DSM-5-recognized “conditions”? I think to an extent this also comes down to a personal decision on the part of the person in question, too.
For some, the clash between their messy animalistic side and the reality of their life as a human living in a structured society with rules, may be so complete that they have little choice other than to treat it as a condition to be addressed. It’s one thing to say that someone with ADHD is fine as they are, and don’t need to medicate away something about themselves that’s only really an issue because of the demands society puts on them. It’s another thing entirely when it turns out that condition renders them incapable of working, and it turns out things like food cost money.
But for others, that clash may be a lot less severe, and entirely manageable. Maybe OP really does have ADHD, and maybe it really does just affect their ability to start new unstructured hobbies, and they manage to integrate and survive reasonably well in society otherwise? In a case like that they could very reasonably simply choose to consider it a non-issue, and never seek to address it. Or they could. It would be their call either way. OP’s issue may not be impacting their life enough that it constitutes a fundamental incompatibility with modern society-based human lives in general, but it’s at the very least impacting their life enough to be personally distressing to them, or they wouldn’t have posted about it. If it does turn out those issues are caused by a treatable condition like ADHD, I think they’d be entirely within their rights to seek treatment on that basis alone, even if they’re already well-integrated without treatment.
Lastly, I would also argue back against your very first point - that the issue OP described is essentially something everyone has, and so isn’t a real problem that needs to be addressed. While everyone does have things they’d like to do but simply don’t do, due to lack of time, resources, motivation, or ability, we don’t really have enough information here to say if this describes OP or not. ADHD isn’t just something we call it when someone’s desires for themselves outpace their situational ability to implement those desires. It’s not really a vague or ambiguous diagnosis at all. It represents an actual difference in brain function and brain chemistry that can make things like just starting a new hobby you’re excited about, or cooking a meal, or starting work, feel impossible. In limited circumstances, it may be possible to know all of this and “transcend” it, as you said, some of the time - but in people who actually have ADHD, that’s never going to be a viable long-term solution. Going back to the previous parts of what we discussed, the conflict is in their nature itself - and in a battle of pure will vs. intrinsic nature, intrinsic nature is going to win 99% of the time, no matter how transcendental you think you are. You can’t out-will your way out of a condition that handicaps your will. But you can treat it.
Thanks for the reply, very interesting points. I still don’t see how you got the idea OP has ADHD from what they wrote and still think (know?) that it will not be a condition unless it hinders them to function based on the DSM.
“A mental disorder is a syndrome characterized by clinically significant disturbance in an individual’s cognition, emotion regulation, or behavior…”.
“Mental disorders are usually associated with significant distress or disability in social, occupational, or other important activities.”.
“Socially deviant behavior … and conflicts that are primarily between the individual and society are not mental disorders unless the deviance or conflict results from a dysfunction in the individual.”
We all have some traits but unless diagnosed we don’t have the condition. In my work life I see so many characteristics that are destructive in nature but viewed as normal because of culture. A lot of people still makes remarks about other women or men even if married, stop studying because they are “adults”, don’t invest money, eat like shit, drink and drive, let others raise their kids, don’t exercise, doomscroll tiktok and Instagram, consume way too much, etc, etc. In fact they are exactly what society wants them to be. This people perpetuate the endless cycle of the so called “progress” and are rewarded for it. OP is already ahead of the curve dreaming of escaping onto his ideal world. If you are different from that, or try to be since it is very hard you will get tribalism in return and be labeled as having a condition. If society was made from the majority of people having a condition like ADHD (it could even be a self sufficient social group within a town) it wouldn’t even be considered anything, just being normal.
A colleague from work has a condition which makes him take prescribed drugs that he doesn’t want to talk about, and based on his behavior he is closeted gay. I live in a very closed minded area so when he came in from afar talking about himself loudly everyone viewed him as very strange. He adapted and now is accepted by everyone but working close with him I know deep down he is still that guy. I still don’t know what to make of it. I learned a lot from him but some days he is so drugged out its dangerous, like when we almost crashed the car, since then I am the only one that drives. He hates me for it and I had to be very malleable with him otherwise our relation wouldn’t work. I learned to behave to accommodate him as a partner but it is exhausting. I don’t know why I am telling this, maybe looking for answers I know no one has. Society made strives forward since mental institutions but I still don’t think that drugging everyone out for homogenization is a good strategy. Whoever is different is put on a label and becomes the same
ADHD came to my mind because OP’s description of their problem resonated with the problems I faced when I eventually realized I had ADHD. The context and severity were quite different, but the general concept of what OP is describing is essentially the same. I don’t necessarily think and definitely don’t know that OP has ADHD, but they’re looking for advice, so I gave them a potential avenue to explore toward that end. I believe my original response was sufficiently clear and responsibly phrased on that point.
And I get that you’re going for a technical definition of the word ‘condition’ (which I believe is itself a word not technically defined by the DSM, but you seem to have considered my use of the term as equivalent to the DSM’s use of the term ‘mental disorder’, which I agree is fair) there, and I kind of brought that on myself by referencing the DSM in my own reply, but to be clear: I was absolutely using it in a casual, non-technical sense. I am not a psychiatrist in any sense, I have not read the DSM. Toward that end, you’re probably correct that many of the hypothetical people I referred to in my previous reply, who have a condition that is not so severe that it significantly impacts their ability to function adequately, do not have that “condition” in the strict technical DSM-5 sense of the word. Based on your reply I think you’d agree with me that something like ADHD is a spectrum, even if it’s not described as such by the DSM - and that many people are on that spectrum without reaching the threshold required to justify a diagnosis or constitute a disability. The DSM’s own definition of a mental disorder that you quoted supports this interpretation too: its use of the extremely subjective criteria that a symptom is “clinically significant” essentially acknowledges that a huge number of people may show the symptoms of certain disorders, but that a diagnosis should only be made if a clinician thinks the impacts are significant.
But, I would still disagree with the notion that you don’t have the condition unless you’ve been diagnosed with the condition. I can agree with your general point that per the DSM, the presence of symptoms itself isn’t enough for diagnosis - that those symptoms need to actively have a significant negative impact on your ability to function. I’d also agree that something like ADHD is itself a spectrum, and that most people at the lower end of that spectrum, which may or may not include most people in general, do not have actual ADHD, both as it is generally meant and technically defined. But someone can absolutely have something like ADHD, with symptoms that actively and severely affect their ability to function, without having been diagnosed with it. Not in a legal sense, obviously - but law doesn’t dictate neurology.
I was only recently diagnosed with ADHD myself, but it’s definitely been something I’ve had without realizing it for essentially my entire life. ADHD is paradoxically both over- and under-diagnosed. The type of ADHD that presents with symptoms similar to what OP described is precisely the type that usually goes under-diagnosed.
With regard to your last paragraph, I get and to an extent agree with the general point you’re making, that there’s a huge range of extremely common and socially accepted behaviors that are seen as normal and not considered mental disorders, even though they’re actively harmful to both the individual and to society as a whole, just because they’re so common as to be near-universal - and also that society is actively set up, at least at present, to encourage many of these behaviors. I don’t think we have enough information about OP from just this post to say whether or not their stated desire to engage in hobbies is an indication of them being ahead of the curve in this regard, but it’s kind to assume they are. I do think there’s something to be said here, for sure - but I feel like it’s also tangential to the main topic and I don’t want to lose my focus here, plus it doesn’t seem to be something we disagree on anyways. I think you could make a very compelling argument that societies themselves, the actual systems rather than the individuals, can have illnesses of a sort.
I would also agree that in a hypothetical world where the majority of people had a neurology that matched what constitutes a diagnosis of ADHD in our world today, that the concept of ADHD itself would not likely exist at all. But I also feel like that’s not too interesting of a point - it’s called “neurodivergence” because it’s a divergence from the typical neurology. The difficulty comes from the fact that you’re different, not necessarily from the differences themselves. If everyone had a neurology typical of ADHD, or of autism, then society would be organized in a vastly different way, such that the traits associated with these divergent neurologies would be what’s already expected and supported. In an autistic-majority world someone considered neurotypical here may be considered to have severe social disabilities. In an ADHD-majority world someone considered neurotypical here would probably just seem like an unusually motivated person.
Sorry about the length. I appreciate that you seem to be engaging in complete good faith.
It is possible, but never thought this to be a potential ADHD symptome
Decision paralysis is definitely a symptom of ADHD. Part of the whole executive dysfunction thing.
Not saying you have ADHD, but it might be worthwhile to poke around common symptoms and do some introspection as well.
Executive dysfunction. It’s real, and it sucks, a lot. Very much an ADHD thing.
This is exactly how ADHD works for me at least.
For me it was lack of structure, so what got me going was actually scheduling a class. Then the obligation would kick in because I made the commitment. Even better if it’s a regularly occurring class because then people will start to recognize you and take note if you missed. Which re-enforces the cycle!
For me, it’s committing to the first step, and then following through one step at a time. I also commit to making progress, and take some pride in making progress each time--“okay, today was a good day, progress was made.” That way, I don’t get overwhelmed.
I’m currently building a bed, the first step was planning the bed, then gathering the materials, and the new tools I needed, and so forth. One step at a time without worrying about how long it’s taking, or if I didn’t make any progress on some days. It’s been a couple of weeks, and I’m about 85% done. I’ll probably complete it sometime next week, but there’s no deadline, or hurry.
One final tip I’ve read is that you should not tell anyone in detail what you are planning, until you’ve started and have committed. Because, simply talking with someone else about doing a thing can scratch the itch to do it, and you will feel less motivated to follow through.
Make daydreaming your hobby. Way cheaper.
Write these things on a simple list.
Write a priority next to them: 1 - 3
Then write a difficulty next to them: 1 - 3
Start with the easiest one today!
