And when you do die, you won’t see it coming!

I really don’t wanna upvote this, but I can’t not

I already didn’t!

Engineer: I created new technology that can make us rich beyond our wildest dreams because of the number of people it’ll benefit!

Billionaires: Let’s tweak that a little. I’d rather decide who has to be poor

What about me? Is it specifically for me? I’m super-entertained!

That’s horrible!

I hope a car slowly parks on top of him

Don’t say “no” just because it hasn’t worked yet!

Be bold! Be daring!

Stomp on a CEO’s crotch!

Define “unqualified.”

Like, unqualified to even build a see-saw for a public playground? Agreed

Unqualified to work for Boeing? Highly debatable at this point

Can we please instate a corporate death penalty? And some sort of persona non grata for executives who contributed to the condemnable behavior?

Also, new rule: if the sum of pay and benefits for a company’s C-suite and stock buybacks is greater than the sum of the pay for your non-contractor employees then all the stocks bought back must be transferred to your employees and contractors.

“I hate that thing that you love, so I convinced someone to pay me a million dollars to shit on it for you. ”

I would, and that’s why I hate the movie Keanu. I laugh every time I watch it, I’m impressed by how original and fun it is, but I’m all about hating it cuz I’m super racist

You should put a motion sensor near your coffee maker. Just make sure the alarm is always within earshot

Vance would want to do it with it

The best part of waking up is Covfefe in hamberders

I pray to leave long enough to see the civil war between the AIs trying to decide whether I should live or die because I find it funny to be nice to some and sadistic to others

As a man with ADHD and poor oral hygiene, I need to get one of these just so that the assistant in my toothbrush gets lonely and depressed.

Just when things are starting to get their most bleak, I’ll use it to scrub my toilet.

How the fuck did my Fedora just bluescreen?? Crowdstrike!

*audience laughter, freeze-frame*

Nope, I think Elon is really onto something. Woke schools means we can’t go to space anymore!

LOOK WHAT WE MADE HIM DO!!!

This whole exchange made me feel better. Thank you for being you