Yeah that describes me pretty well, but I’m not bummed. I mean, not really.

I don’t know. I could use therapy, but I must not have been honest enough because through my drug rehab program I was in therapy and they decided that I didn’t need it any more. They said that if I felt like I did, I could tell them, but I always want to just grab my meds, joke with the doctor, and get out of there.

I don’t know. If I am depressed I’m surviving. I wasn’t surviving before. I was just paralyzed and waiting for death. I felt like a living thing though without having to think about it, but I didn’t want to be a living thing. Now I do, and my life is objectively a mess but I’m doing better than I ever have, so it’s hard to say I’m depressed when I’m doing better than ever.

Life is a challenge, and that sucks because so far for me, it has flown by.

Eh, maybe I am depressed. I was miserable when I was younger though and I’ll take what I have now any day haha.

I appreciate that.

Thank you for listening to it, and definitely thank you for adding it to your library.

That’s actually how I heard of Elliott Smith. I put a couple songs on mp3.com when I was a teenager and several people compared me to him. I listened and I’ve been hooked since. It’s funny, because after I listened to him his influence poured into everything I did after.

Seriously thank you for listening. For fun, here’s one of my favorites that I ever did. Hope you like it too. I was probably 22 when I did this one.

https://mega.nz/file/E00nzD7C#DGOB4O51EalvIREhqAepIe98jvrVIeagR8jcPbmNGgk

And now I’ve shared two. :)

I just wish I had the desire to make friends or keep them. Every step we take in this world requires other people, and yet the most exhausting thing in this world to me is company. I can’t have a career of any kind because the whole idea of doing a social dance makes me want to vomit. It just isn’t in me.

I’m not depressed, at least I don’t think I am. I don’t really feel sad.

I always wanted to be a musician and I recorded a lot of songs when I was younger. I got pretty good at it even, and then I just stopped one day because I stopped feeling sad. I never shared any of it really. I still play, I just don’t take it seriously or write any more. I want to, because I put so much of myself into it. When I listen to a record I love, all I can do after is dream about making something that someone would love that much, but even if I did I’d never put it out there.

I don’t even know why I typed this out. Your comment just opened me up I guess.

Fuck it. Here’s one of those songs I wrote a thousand years ago.

https://mega.nz/file/c0lkyZiT#MrSCD8ZCK_W5QmU5hekJrhhP-J3tGKUHvpAR748MQ10

There, now I’ve shared one.

I haven’t seen them in nearly 20 years. It’s embarrassing how Star Wars obsessed I was as a teenager. Like, holy shit embarrassing. I “photoshopped” images of myself with light sabers and everything.

Fuck it. I’ll show you guys. Man. I shouldn’t.

I thought the one was gone forever, but my sister wasn’t going to let that happen. She said when I posted it to MySpace she knew I’d be embarrassed one day and delete it so she printed it off. Haha. What a dick.

Damn. Here goes.

I liked the last two but that was the best of the bunch.

Pam?

Archer?

I think he could have got two birds stoned at once with this one.

Wait… You did this?

I lost my account back then when the big hack happened near the end of the PS3 era. I haven’t looked back. I called, I begged, and as far as I could tell everyone else was good to go.

I only got the PS3 so I could game with my childhood friends. They eventually stopped playing together anyway after a bunch of us died off to the opioid epidemic.

I seen a video yesterday about how people in Japan hire people to quit their jobs. The girl said she spent a lot of time being grilled and felt like she owed the boss an apology.

Not Nintendo, still, I found it interesting.

Well said!

I really did think that a Chinese social media company would never stand a chance here. I run into 80 year old farmers who ask me, “Did you see ‘at feller on TikTok who does ‘at thang with the tractor?”

That same person will go on and on about China. People are neat.

Haha, god I loved doing this on Counter-Strike. “Did you guys hear about the hidden tit pics in counter strike? No shit, hold alt and press f4 and it shows the best tits I’ve ever seen. I don’t know how game developers get away with this stuff.”

Half the lobby is gone, the other half is laughing.

Now that’s fuckin’ funny right there haha.