Well “mine” is correct in English in e.g. “mine eyes” because “eyes” starts with a vowel sound. I don’t see any opportunity to use second-person pronouns like thine and thy in this passage; where would you have put those?

Guessing somebody just wrote it to be funny, because there are grammatical errors with the dated bits of language like “mine hand” (should just be “my hand”).

Pages are fractional now?

Man, I really gotta get with the times…

Shooting actually straight up is very safe, at least for people on the ground. The terminal velocity of a bullet is fast enough to make you say “ouch”, but not much else.

Problems can arise if you’re shooting up-ish, but shooting straight up means the bullet has zero velocity relative to its origin at the apex, so the only speed it has from that point forward is imparted by gravity and wind, pretty much.

The image is of a starter pistol, though.

No complex language; no dexterous digits? I’m sorry to say that dolphin dominance is DOA.

Yeah, Trump being invisible too just gets them all confused.