Honestly, this feels like you’re setting the bar way too high. Trying to eliminate every negative feeling or impulse, like anger, jealousy, egoism, or desire for power, isn’t just unrealistic, it’s too much. Life is messy, and part of being human is dealing with these emotions in healthy ways, not pretending they don’t exist or trying to suppress them entirely.
What happens when you suppress emotions like anger or jealousy? They don’t just disappear, they get buried and eventually come out in unexpected or unhealthy ways. It sounds like you’re putting yourself under a lot of pressure to be perfect, and while aiming to be better isn’t a bad thing, it’s easy to burn out or become emotionally numb when you hold yourself to impossible standards.
At the end of the day, what’s wrong with a little bit of ego, some healthy ambition, or even feeling angry when something goes wrong? These things aren’t inherently bad or toxic, they’re just part of being human. Overemphasizing moral purity can cause you to miss out on the richness of life and emotional depth.
And honestly, why is megalomania such a bad thing? If you’re fully aware of your drive and you’re not hurting anyone, is it really so bad to think you’re capable of achieving something extraordinary? If you’re not deluded about your abilities and keep it in check, what’s the harm in believing you’re on a higher level than most?
Been there. I’m still religious, I just hide it now.