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Maybe its the psych nurse in me who already likes watching people come out of a depression but that’s what it most looks like with (most) of the people I’ve known, especially those that need hormones / surgery to improve their mental health. Like the ones that look bony or bloated or ashy or greasy with circles under their eyes and matted beadhead and uncontrolled acne everywhere from not wanting to look at themselves in the mirror or touch their own naked body in the shower. It’s not everyone’s story but watching the ones who do come out of that is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever seen! How do you watch that and not be hyped by it? Like I get that not everybody is willing to wash another person’s butt to get there but you can’t even admire the result?
Like I get that not everybody is willing to wash another person’s butt to get there but you can’t even admire the result?
It’s a mindset thing. To give an example, think of the “meat is murder” vegans. A hamburger is a marvel of ingenuity considering its worldwide success, yet to the people who vividly picture how it’s produced from start to finish the end result isn’t something to be admired.
The disgust is self-inflicted because their set of values cannot reconcile with the method used or the whole process itself.
Is the argument that because there is a manufacturing process involved in making a hamburger that the suffering is worth it? I didn’t torture anyone to transition.
you mean you didn’t drain 100 people of their hormones like a vampire?
Oh, no, I totally did do that. They all consented though.
Did you just compare transitioning to making hamburger?
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It’s a pretty nonsensical analogy. I think they just wanted to complain about vegans.
I’m sorry, what? Do people actually say that?? Wtf?
yea, they say that, or what I’ve seen often is “im grieving the death of my son!!”
like, why not celebrate the birth of your daughter instead?
To be fair, especially to parents I get the part of grieving of someone you love not being there anymore. But if that person isn’t really dead but just a different (better) version of the person, I don’t really get how you can believe you are greaving while you’re simultaneously not keeping that person close to you? I mean, that will only make the loss worse, right?
They’re grieving the loss of who they expected their kid to be
Yeah but whatever their son/daughter was able to do before, there’s no reason they can’t do it post transition. If I use super traditional cliches to explain what I mean, their new daughter still knowns how to fix their computer / their new son still knows how to cook.
It’s an emotional reaction rooted in transphobia, not a logical one.
But to my point of a loss of expectations, that part is like when kids don’t turn out how their parents had hoped. To use another cliche, when their kid who was going to be a doctor runs off to do art instead.
Those parents that love unconditionally will let go of those expectations, learn to love their kid for who they actually are, and in time appreciate their transition as a period of growth rather than loss.
But I think that’s not a weird thing for a parent (not saying it is normal to not want to speak to your child because they are different then you expected, or to dislike them for being who they were born to be).
Yeah, the phenomenon isn’t unique to trans people if viewed through the lens of expectations for their child. It just takes on a much more extreme reaction/framing when transphobia is involved.
I don’t begrudge my mom for feeling sad about realizing I’m not who she wanted me to be, but those aren’t feelings you should voice to your child who is already struggling.
i would certainly begrudge my parents a little bit for wanting me to be anything more specific than “happy”
like it’s not the worst thing ever but wtf mom, really?
I think it’s more like seeing someone hatch XD
OH THAT IS WHY TRANS PEOPLE IN DENIAL ARE CALLED EGGS OMG I NEVER SAW THAT BEFORE!
Actually it’s kinda the other way around, I chose the hatching metaphor because of the egg terminology 😅
Yeah but the egg terminology exists because that’s what it’s like – hatching
I think you’re replying to a “chicken and egg” themed joke
Yeeesh… I’m not sure if that’s the kind of message you want to send… Imagine someone who’s in a position where they can’t transition reading that, you’re basically telling them that right now they’re a huge loser that should die…
*trans person describes personal experience
“No! You might make other people feel bad by describing your existence!”
The joke is that they already think that about themselves. The suicide rate for trans people, especially those who can’t transition, is extremely high.
When I realized I was trans I knew I had no choice but to do it, damn the consequences, because I could see the other option would only lead to my death in a pit of despair and self-hatred.
I know it’s higher than average, but reinforcing the feeling that suicide might be the best thing they could do because the person they are before transitioning is the biggest loser ever and people should be glad that they’re dead? I don’t think that’s ok.
The post isn’t really advocating suicide, though. It is pointing out an alternative.
Sure, but as I mentioned in my first comment, not everyone is in a position where they can seek the alternative
True, but I don’t think this post is likely to push anyone over the edge, and that really has more to do with the lethality of their situation than the use of self-deprecating humour to reach people.
As someone who’s been there, this whole line of reasoning just feels like pearl-clutching.
