My family calls Au Bon Pain “House of Pain”. We also say Pantera Bread and Dimmu Burger (for Burger King).

BMW: Bring Moms Wallet

I will never respect Facebook’s attempted rebranding, especially not a rebranding based on the name of their hilariously failed product.

facebook is facebook. instagram is facebook. whatsapp is facebook.

Whenever my grandmother talks about United Parcel Service, she always says “ups”, one syllable, instead of U-P-S like most people do.

Lately though, whenever she gets a package that arrives damaged, she calls them “Oops”.

Whenever I’d encounter 18-wheelers out on the road, everyone has the usual jokes about Swift. Sure Wish I’d Finished Training, Stevie Wonder’s Institute For Trucking, etc. but there’s jokes for every large trucking company.

TMC: Turtles Moving Cargo

Prime Inc: Please Remember, I’m Missouri Educated

CRST: Crash 'n Roll Stunt Team

U.S. Express becomes Useless Express in my head. The list goes on.

Delta

Don’t Expect Luggage To Arrive

-or-

Doesn’t Ever Leave The Airport

Microslop, microcrap, goo-gle

Home cheapo (home depot) Hazzard fraught (hobo freight) Clown fair (town fair) Found on road dead (Ford) Bonus: what do u call a f150 with a dual exhaust? A wheelbarrow with heated grips. Fix it again tony (fiat) Just empty every pocket (jeep) Hanafartz (hannafords)

Warmart

Flip Over Read Directions

Home Despot

Blood Bath and Beyond

Wally World: But not for Walmart. When I was a teenager I worked for a garden center called “Walnut Ridge” and everyone that worked there referred to as that.

Edeker

I’ve always like Microshaft, I don’t know if anyone still uses that since every one calls them Microslop now.

I also used to see people use Microshit occasionally.

Purolater not Puronow instead of Purolator

Day & Loss instead of Day & Ross

Loosit instead of Loomis.

Obviously I work in shipping and have to deal with a lot of courier companies

Blows hardware store.

The Ford one made me think of a good one from old Top Gear:

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious

Always remember that Microsoft literally means small and limp.