3 guys are hiking through the woods when they find a lamp.
One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.
It shouts “You have finally freed me after all these years, so I’ll grant each one of you 3 wishes.” The first guy immediately blurts out “I want a billion dollars.” POOF, he’s holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50
The second man thinks for a bit, then says “I want to be the richest man alive.” POOF, he’s holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 500 billion.
The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says “I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life.” POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it’s time for their second wish.
First guy says: “I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth.” POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.
Second guy says “I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want.” POOF, his looks change and the first guy’s wife immediately starts flirting with him.
Third guy says “I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die.” POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.
First guy does, and after a while says “I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die.” POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don’t bother him any more.
Second guy says “I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever.” POOF, he looks younger already.
Third guy smiles triumphantly and says “My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth.” POOF, he’s now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.
The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.
Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: “I’ve invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I’ve never gotten so much as a cold in all these years.”
Second guy smiles and says “Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I’m still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven’t aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed.”
Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says:
Heard it in Russian a while ago, it’s one of the classics. Here’s another one:
A guy walks in a pub, sits at the table and orders a pint and a thimble of beer. Bartender gets him a pint and asks why he needs a thimble of beer. “Hold on a sec”, — replies the guy, putting an inch long little man onto the table from his pocket: “Jack, tell him about the time you told the wizard to go fuck himself”
There’s a lot longer version of that in German too, where the wizard is hard of hearing and the guy at the bar didn’t actually wish for a 30cm big person, but it’s all German puns and impossible to translate.
A sailor walks into a bar and has a really small shrunken head. The bartender out of curiosity asks “I’m sorry to pry, but how and why is your head so small?”
The sailor says "Well I was out to sea, and I saw a mermaid. She said she would grant me one wish. I said to her - Well it’s awfully lonely out here and could go for a roll in the sheets you know what I mean? But seeing as your all fish down below, how about a little head? "
3 guys are hiking through the woods when they find a lamp.
One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.
It shouts “You have finally freed me after all these years, so I’ll grant each one of you 3 wishes.” The first guy immediately blurts out “I want a billion dollars.” POOF, he’s holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50
The second man thinks for a bit, then says “I want to be the richest man alive.” POOF, he’s holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 500 billion.
The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says “I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life.” POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it’s time for their second wish.
First guy says: “I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth.” POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.
Second guy says “I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want.” POOF, his looks change and the first guy’s wife immediately starts flirting with him.
Third guy says “I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die.” POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.
First guy does, and after a while says “I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die.” POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don’t bother him any more.
Second guy says “I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever.” POOF, he looks younger already.
Third guy smiles triumphantly and says “My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth.” POOF, he’s now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around. The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.
Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: “I’ve invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I’ve never gotten so much as a cold in all these years.”
Second guy smiles and says “Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I’m still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven’t aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed.”
Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says:
“Guys, I think I fucked up.”
Heard it in Russian a while ago, it’s one of the classics. Here’s another one:
A guy walks in a pub, sits at the table and orders a pint and a thimble of beer. Bartender gets him a pint and asks why he needs a thimble of beer. “Hold on a sec”, — replies the guy, putting an inch long little man onto the table from his pocket: “Jack, tell him about the time you told the wizard to go fuck himself”
There’s a lot longer version of that in German too, where the wizard is hard of hearing and the guy at the bar didn’t actually wish for a 30cm big person, but it’s all German puns and impossible to translate.
They have it in English too but he plays the piano.
https://xkcd.com/532/
In the German version, he’s the author Johannes Mario Simmel.
Makes me think of the one like:
A sailor walks into a bar and has a really small shrunken head. The bartender out of curiosity asks “I’m sorry to pry, but how and why is your head so small?”
The sailor says "Well I was out to sea, and I saw a mermaid. She said she would grant me one wish. I said to her - Well it’s awfully lonely out here and could go for a roll in the sheets you know what I mean? But seeing as your all fish down below, how about a little head? "
ahaha I didn’t see the anti-punchline coming. Cheers 🥲