At our grocery store, their self checkout hates me because I apparently scan things too fast.

It was just a Mitch Hedberg reference.

The problem is our crude is low quality and is harder to refine, which is why we import a lot of it.

My FIL uses superglue when he puts up anti trump stickers.

And the medical schools. Even in the 90s students were taught that you couldn’t get addicted to opioids if you had legitimate pain.

He didn’t escalate, he responded in kind.

Actual cops can take a while to respond, and making a phone call while you’re actively being attacked is more likely to cause a drunk asshole to escalate further.

Like they said, your troll game is super weak. No one is upset at you; we just think you’re stupid.

This definitely pays off if you tip well at a bar you’re a regular at.

At our local Mexican place they would spike our margaritas so much that occasionally they’d be almost undrinkable. I’m pretty sure they were tossing a shot of everclear in it.

But it was great, before our server even made it to our table, they’d bring us our drinks and queso dip.

Why, because facts don’t align with your baseless assumptions?

Infants are pretty bouncy, so it’ll probably be fine.

They still are a giant piece of shit, but they used to be too.

That sounds like a washing machine issue to me.

It’s basically an enrichment thing for this guy, though. He’s defeated every attempt at keeping him in his enclosure.

Also, it’s a wildlife rehab facility.

“Sorry officer, I wasn’t aware I couldn’t do that.”

Killing a Nazi isn’t murder. It’s a public service.

Yup. My grandmother was a life long, hardcore Catholic, even earning an award for her service to the church.

When the last Pope condemned Trump’s border wall during his first presidency, my grandmother’s reaction was, “the Pope needs to mind his own business.”

Which isn’t a surprise considering she’s where I learned the version of the N-word that starts with a J. I’m glad she died before Trump’s second term.

They’re really not ashes. It’s mostly ground up bones.

As with anything, the dose makes the poison

I mean, that’s more than most people will make posting to TikTok, and Fiverr is still a thing.

It really depends on what they’re wanting.

In captivity, yes. In their natural habitat, no.

Basically every issue regarding the survival of pandas is human created. They did just fine before their habitat was destroyed.

Storing passwords in plain text not a requirement to have a password history.